In this journal entry I've split it into 3 sections which are intro, pink lens and blue lens for easier reading. My views tend to be biased to men but I think female readers will also find value in it.
I'm writing this for the 80% of the population who have subpar relationships and want to understand why. This is NOT for people who believe in idealised love or if you already feel your relationship is doing great. Enjoy.
*Intro*
Men and women are born into the same world, yet we have very different perceptions about life and dating.
Men view the world through the blue lens. Women view it through the pink lens. If men learned how to view the world through the pink lens, they would have a huge advantage in the dating game.
Women operate naturally in their feelings and often times it is enough to allow them to gain leverage and power in their relationships with men.
Since women are physically weaker, they've had to learn to survive in other ways. That's why they have developed their relationship intuition much more than men over thousands of years.
This is the reason that in more than 90% of relationships, the man ends up being submissive to the woman.
Which in turn leads to loss of sexual attraction and the woman eventually leaving the man.
Think about it. A woman can't physically harm a man easily. Yet she has the power because she holds the one thing a guy lusts over. Access to sex.
The man, fearful of losing access to sex, gives in to what the woman says she wants, believing that doing so will maintain his sexual access to her. The irony? The more he shows that he wants sex from her, the less she will want to give sex to him.
I repeat. The more a man wants sex from a woman, the less she will want to give it to him.
Now, I want you to imagine that you are playing poker. Imagine being able to know your opponent's hand at all times. You would be undefeatable because you have full information. That is what it is like if a man chooses to study the pink lens women use.
Once a man understands it, no matter what action the woman chooses, he already knows the counter play. He has a chance to gain leverage and power in the relationship instead of handing it over to the woman unknowingly.
Who should have the power in a relationship? Many will say it should be equal. That is incorrect. More often than not, the power should be in the man's hand, not the woman's.
Look at all the relationships where the woman has the power and the man ends up submissive towards her. He feels emasculated and she feels unhappy. It's a lose lose situation.
You may wonder what if the man becomes abusive when he has power in the relationship? It's possible but I think the majority of men will not be abusive and are better built for handling responsibility and power in the relationship. They just don't know how to create that kind of dynamic.
A woman won't feel happy wielding the power and responsibility in the relationship because it means she is with a weak man.
Some people will say 'but Danny, you are being too strategic and manipulative in your approach to relationships, you should just act naturally and let love do the work'.
To that I say, if you are a woman then you can be natural. But if you are a man and you want a relationship where the woman is soft, feminine and submissive towards you, then you cannot act naturally.
Your default logic as a man will not work. You need to meet her in the realm of emotions, not logic.
As a man, you need to treat dating as a skill that can and needs to be mastered. Forget about love at the beginning stages of knowing a girl. Turn your heart ice cold and your mind cunningly strategic. You don't know this woman or her intentions. Best to remain emotionally detached until she shows that she is genuine. Do not be blinded by beauty.
......
*Pink Lens*
A Woman's Dating Strategy: Hypergamy
What is hypergamy? The law of hypergamy states that a woman desires a man who has higher sexual market value (SMV) than her.
Men, I want you to imagine for a minute that you are an absolute bombshell of a girl. The hottest 10/10, curvy, sexy, slim, long haired girl with hourglass figure. Let me ask you, if you are such a woman, what kind of man would you pick?
Just imagine you can have any man you wanted. Everyday you get messages on social media, everywhere you go you can just sense men staring and oggling at you. Everyone treats you so overly nicely by default. In fact, princess treatment is all you have ever known your whole life.
Obviously you would try to filter for the best possible man you can get out of all the options. You would want the richest, handsomest, strongest, highest status man that you can get.
It's only natural.
But I want you to think 1 level deeper. Why does a woman's biology obey the law of hypergamy?
One word. Survival.
Women are survival creatures. Every single action a woman takes is biologically rooted in survival.
Men, I want you to imagine. As we mentioned earlier, you are this absolute 10/10 bombshell of a woman. Would you feel safe walking alone at night anywhere outside?
And remember, you are physically weaker than men. You are vulnerable. And it's entirely possible to come across men who have bad intentions. Your literal survival is on the line. Just from walking alone outside at night. Just from existing as a hot woman.
As men, we usually never feel this way or have this experience. I want you to understand that women have to constantly be alert and worry about their own safety.
Just observe. Do you realize that women usually go everywhere in groups whenever possible? In high school I recall that the girls always go with female friends to the toilet, while guys could go alone and it wouldn't matter. There is safety in numbers. It's all subconscious.
Do you know why women like to take photos of food and post on their stories or Instagram? The abundance of calories triggers something primal within them. It signals survival.
Why do women post photos of themselves online? It's to attract attention. By receiving attention, she feels that people notice and care about her existence. Therefore she feels safe. It's survival.
Why do women value rich men? Access to resources equals higher levels of safety. Once again, survival.
Due to women's biology being rooted in survival, they also tend to have more of a herd mentality and are less willing to take risks compared to men.
Hypergamy causes a woman to look for the single strongest, highest quality man that she can get in order to gain safety, protection and provisioning from him.
In today's modern world, especially the western world, some women have decided to abandon their default dating strategy of hypergamy. How? By sleeping around with many men.
When a woman abandons her biological dating strategy of hypergamy, men will not like it. That's why women usually don't reveal their true body count or they lie about it.
It's funny to me that some women say that if men can sleep around, so can they. Equality, right? Sure they can, but there will be huge consequences to their own SMV. It will be harder for them to acquire a high quality man if they really did sleep around a lot and news got around.
Here's my theory. Hypergamy is rooted in survival. And when a woman's internal hypergamy system feels like she is around a high value man, she starts to feel a natural pull towards him coupled with sexual attraction. Over time it could develop into feelings of love as she gets to know the man.
Basically, within female love lies a hidden survival mechanism that encourages women to seek safety and protection from the strongest man she can find.
That's why when a man shows any form of weakness, the woman feels unsafe and loses attraction for him. Women only respect strength and severely punish weak men.
So men, now that you understand that a woman's feelings of hypergamy are rooted in survival, I ask you this important question. Are you the strongest, highest quality man that a woman can find? If no, then you have a lot of work to do.
And if you are already in a relationship with a woman, are you continuing to demonstrate your internal strength? Or are you slacking off and showing weakness? It's not over once you get the girl. Maintaining her attraction is a lifelong exercise. Don't get too comfortable.
If you are a single man, maybe now you understand why most girls ignore you. You just aren't her best option for survival. Because if you were, you wouldn't have to chase her, she would be chasing you. I guarantee.
.......
*Blue Lens*
Men's Dating Strategy: Optionality and Sexual Abundance
I find it super interesting. In this world, women's dating strategy of hypergamy and looking for the single best high quality male partner is held in high regard. It is respected. Society deems it to be 'morally correct'.
On the other hand, men's default dating strategy of having many options with women and access to sexual abundance is vilified, frowned upon and seen as immoral.
We allow women's dating strategy to dominate and to be the one that is socially acceptable.
In fact, a lot of men reading this now are probably confused. They don't even know what their default male dating strategy is. They have been led to believe that they should only be with 1 woman only at a time due to societal conditioning.
To you men I say, listen to what your own biology is telling you. Do you really only desire to be with 1 woman?
Like truthfully, if it was socially acceptable to have multiple sexual partners with no social consequences and if you were capable of doing so, are you still going to stick to 1 woman for your whole life?
Let me say this too. The reason that developing options is a dating strategy for men and not women is because it's difficult for men to do so. 90% of men have either 0 or at most 1 option with women. Most men are unattractive to women, and that's the brutal truth.
Women by default already have a ton of options while they are young. So women's strategy is instead learning how to filter her options correctly down to the best man.
Most men, if they are completely honest about it, would rather have sexual access to multiple women if they could. Women want quality, men want quantity. But the problem is that most men value societal approval over their own biological imperative.
Therefore, I conclude that 99.99% of men abandon their default dating strategy of developing optionality and sexual access to multiple women.
Well, at least on the surface. It is common for married men to cheat when a sexual opportunity arises with a hot woman.
In the end, most men cannot betray their own biology. When they cheat, they become hypocrites and the wedding vows they once gave were just empty words. The integrity of their character becomes questioned.
As we discussed earlier, when a woman abandons their default dating strategy of hypergamy and sleeps around, men don't like it.
Similarly, when men abandon their default dating strategy of developing options and sexual access with multiple women, deep down on a primal subconscious level, women also don't like it. Why do you think players can be players?
On the surface however, women will follow societal conditioning and say that they want a loyal man and that they dislike players. That could not be further from the truth.
There is a caveat though. If a guy portrays himself as a loyal man and is looking for a monogamous relationship, then he has to follow through with that frame. If he is already in a monogamous relationship with a woman and tries to revert back to trying to develop options, it will backfire.
As a man, either you just admit to yourself that you are a player from the start and totally own it, or you willingly choose to abandon your default dating strategy, be monogamous and never go back. Women value congruence. Switching identities on a whim is incongruent and makes a woman feel unsafe.
But let me ask you, between a player and a man who is loyal to 1 woman, who is actually stronger? From the perspective of female biology, the player is stronger. Why? Because the player is emotionally detached. The strongest man is the man who needs the woman the least.
A woman will say they want a man to open up, be vulnerable and be loyal to her. The ugly truth is that you will never have the highest level of attraction from her if you do all those things.
If you as a man want to be in a monogamous relationship, just accept that you will never have a 10/10 level of attraction from her. That's just how it goes because you as a man abandoned your original default mating strategy.
Perhaps you have moral reasons and that's completely fine, just be aware you will be sacrificing some levels of attraction in exchange for honouring your morals.
For me, I choose to obey the default male biological wiring and dating strategy. I choose to develop options with women. I choose not to get too emotionally attached to any of them.
I believe this is the only way a man is able to retain the highest level of attraction from all the women he dates for the long term.
For men who are in long term relationships or a marriage with 1 woman, I acknowledge that your choice to do so is as valid as my decision to develop options with women. But the rules of attraction remains the same for you, which is that a woman must know that the man she is with has options. If you are loyal but not continuing to display internal strength, high value and that other women would snatch you up if your current girl left you, she will leave your ass sooner or later.
I also hope that through my writings, eventually you would learn to regain power in the relationship and reclaim your masculinity. I strongly believe the relationship will benefit from it if done correctly.
Nature is cruel. It values survival over everything else. Even above ethics and morality. No amount of social conditioning or brainwashing can change it. Not unless someone edits our DNA.
I just wish people in general could be more honest with themselves. Instead, we have more and more broken relationships and households due to people pretending to be something they are not. Not everyone is suited for monogamy. That is just the truth.
Some would argue that we need to rise above our biological desires and try to achieve the ideal of love.
I have tried it, and it doesn't work. Women lost attraction for me over time when I was following societal conditioning by being a good boy or a nice guy in the past.
If being loyal, kind and caring is what women rewarded, I would be the most loyal, caring and monogamous boyfriend ever. But that's not how reality and female attraction works.
Pay attention to what behaviours women reward. Ignore their words and observe their actions.
Most people fear the truth. Or they may even say I am completely wrong about female nature. Some still believe in a Disney-like idealised version of love. If they have that experience, good for them, but they must realize they are the exception and not the rule.
For everyone else who lives in reality or is not fortunate enough to get the Disney love story, then the truth can be a guidepost to personal liberation. The truth, while initially full of pain, will free you from pain down the road. I only ask that people just listen and keep an open mind. It may very well change your fate.
Chinese Translation:
*粉红镜片 vs 蓝色镜片：女性与男性的约会策略*
这篇日记我分成了三个部分：引言、粉红镜片和蓝色镜片，以便阅读。我的观点可能偏向男性视角，但我认为女性读者也能从中获得价值。
我写这篇文章是为了那80%关系不佳、并想了解其中原因的人。这篇文章不适用于信奉理想化爱情的人，或者如果你已经觉得自己的关系很美满。请享用。
*引言*
男人和女人出生在同一个世界，但我们对生活和约会的看法却截然不同。
男人通过蓝色镜片看世界。女人则通过粉红镜片。如果男人学会通过粉红镜片看世界，他们将在约会游戏中获得巨大优势。
女人天生习惯于感受情绪，这通常足以让她们在与男人的关系中获得杠杆和权力。
由于女性在体力上较弱，她们不得不学会通过其他方式生存。这就是为什么在数千年的演化中，她们发展了远比男性更强的关系直觉。
这正是超过90%的关系中，男人最终变得顺从女人的原因。
而这又导致性吸引力的丧失，以及女人最终离开男人。
想想看。一个女人很难轻易在身体上伤害一个男人。然而她却拥有权力，因为她掌握着男人渴望的东西：性的获取权。
男人害怕失去性的获取权，于是屈服于女人所说的她想要的东西，相信这样做能维持他对她的性获取权。讽刺的是？他越表现出想从她那里得到性，她就越不想给他。
我重复一遍：一个男人越想从一个女人那里得到性，她就越不想给他。
现在，请你想象你在玩扑克。想象一下你能随时知道对手的牌。你将战无不胜，因为你掌握了全部信息。这就是如果一个男人选择研究女性所使用的粉红镜片时的情形。
一旦男人理解了它，无论女人选择什么行动，他都已知道如何应对。他有机会在关系中获得杠杆和权力，而不是在不知不觉中将权力拱手让给女人。
关系中的权力应该由谁掌握？很多人会说应该平等。这是不正确的。大多数情况下，权力应该掌握在男人手中，而不是女人手中。
看看所有那些权力掌握在女人手中、男人最终变得顺从的关系。他感到被去势，她感到不快乐。这是一个双输的局面。
你可能会想，如果男人在关系中掌权后变得暴戾怎么办？有可能，但我认为大多数男人不会施虐，而且他们更适合在关系中承担责任和权力。他们只是不知道如何创造这种动态。
女人不会对在关系中行使权力和责任感到开心，因为这意味着她和一个软弱的男人在一起。
有些人会说："但是Danny，你对关系的方法太战略化、太 manipulative 了，你应该顺其自然，让爱来主导。"
对此我的回答是：如果你是女人，那么你可以顺其自然。但如果你是一个男人，并且你想要一段女人对你温柔、女性化且顺从的关系，那么你就不能顺其自然。
你作为男人的默认逻辑是行不通的。你需要在情感的领域里与她相遇，而不是逻辑。
作为一个男人，你需要把约会看作一种可以且需要掌握的技能。在认识一个女孩的初期阶段，忘掉爱情。让你的心冰冷，让你的思维狡猾而战略化。你还不了解这个女人或她的意图。最好保持情感上的超脱，直到她证明自己是真诚的。不要被美貌蒙蔽双眼。
......
*粉红镜片*
女性的约会策略：慕强
什么是慕强？慕强法则指出，女人渴望一个性市场价值高于她的男人。
男人们，请你们想象一下，你是一个绝色美女。最火辣的10分美女，曲线玲珑、性感、苗条、长发、沙漏身材。让我问你，如果你是这样一个女人，你会选择什么样的男人？
想象一下你可以拥有任何你想要的男人。每天你都会在社交媒体上收到信息，无论你走到哪里，你都能感觉到男人盯着你看。默认情况下，每个人都对你过分友好。事实上，公主般的待遇是你一生中唯一知道的东西。
显然，你会试图从所有选择中筛选出你能得到的最好男人。你会想要你能找到的最富有、最英俊、最强大、地位最高的男人。
这很自然。
但我想让你再深入思考一层。为什么女性的生物本能会遵循慕强法则？
一个字：生存。
女性是生存的生物。女性的每一个行动都根植于生存的生物学本能。
男人们，请你们想象。正如我们之前提到的，你是这个绝对的10分美女。晚上独自在外行走，你会感到安全吗？
记住，你的体力比男人弱。你很脆弱。而且你完全有可能遇到心怀恶意的男人。你的 literal 生存都面临威胁。仅仅因为晚上独自在外行走。仅仅因为作为一个美女而存在。
作为男人，我们通常从未有过这种感觉或经历。我希望你们理解，女性必须 constantly 保持警觉并担心自身安全。
观察一下。你是否意识到女性只要有可能，通常都会结伴而行？我记得高中时，女生总是和女性朋友一起去洗手间，而男生独自去则无所谓。安全在于数量。这都是潜意识的。
你知道为什么女性喜欢给食物拍照并发布到动态或Instagram上吗？丰富的卡路里会触发她们内心的某种原始本能。它象征着生存。
为什么女性在网上发布自己的照片？是为了吸引注意力。通过获得关注，她感觉到人们注意到并关心她的存在。因此她感到安全。这是生存本能。
为什么女性看重有钱的男人？获取资源等于更高水平的安全。再一次，生存。
由于女性的生物学根植于生存，她们也往往更具有从众心理，并且与男性相比更不愿意冒险。
慕强导致女人去寻找她能找到的那个最强大、最高质量的单身男人，以便从他那里获得安全、保护和供养。
在当今现代世界，尤其是西方世界，一些女性决定放弃她们默认的慕强约会策略。怎么做？通过与许多男人发生关系。
当一个女人放弃了她生物本能的慕强约会策略时，男人不会喜欢。这就是为什么女性通常不会透露她们真实的伴侣数量，或者对此撒谎。
我觉得有些女人说，如果男人可以到处风流，她们也可以。平等，对吧？她们当然可以，但这会对她们自己的性市场价值产生巨大后果。如果她们真的和很多人发生过关系并且消息传开，她们将更难获得一个高质量的男人。
这是我的理论。慕强根植于生存。当女性的内在慕强系统感觉到她身边有一个高价值男人时，她会开始感到一种自然的吸引力，并伴随着性吸引力。随着时间的推移，随着她对这个男人的了解，可能会发展出爱的感觉。
基本上，在女性的爱之中，隐藏着一个鼓励她们从能找到的最强男人那里寻求安全和保护的生存机制。
这就是为什么当男人表现出任何形式的软弱时，女人会感到不安全并对他失去吸引力。女人只尊重力量，并会严厉惩罚软弱的男人。
所以男人们，既然你们理解了女性的慕强感觉根植于生存，我问你们这个重要的问题：你是女人能找到的最强大、最高质量的男人吗？如果不是，那么你还有很多工作要做。
如果你已经和一个女人建立了关系，你是否在持续展示你的内在力量？还是你松懈了，表现出软弱？得到女孩并不是结束。维持她的吸引力是一项终生的任务。不要太安逸。
如果你是一个单身男人，也许你现在明白了为什么大多数女孩忽略你。你根本就不是她生存的最佳选择。因为如果你是，你根本不需要追她，她会来追你。我保证。
.......
*蓝色镜片*
男性的约会策略：选择权与性丰富度
我觉得非常有趣。在这个世界上，女性的慕强约会策略以及寻找单一最佳高质量男性伴侣的做法备受推崇。它受到尊重。社会认为这是"道德上正确的"。
另一方面，男性默认的拥有多个女性选择权和性丰富度的约会策略则被诋毁、蔑视，并被视为不道德。
我们允许女性的约会策略占据主导，并成为社会可接受的那一个。
事实上，现在读这篇文章的很多男人可能感到困惑。他们甚至不知道自己的默认男性约会策略是什么。由于社会 conditioning，他们被引导相信一次只应该和一个女人在一起。
我对你们这些男人说，倾听你们自己生物学本能在告诉你们什么。你们真的只渴望和一个女人在一起吗？
说实话，如果拥有多个性伴侣在社会上是可接受的，没有社会后果，并且你有能力做到，你还会一辈子只守着一个女人吗？
我也要说这一点。发展选择权是男性的约会策略而不是女性的，因为这对男性来说很难做到。90%的男人要么有0个，要么最多有1个女性选择。大多数男人对女人没有吸引力，这是残酷的真相。
女性在年轻时默认就已经拥有大量选择。所以女性的策略反而是学习如何正确地将她的选择筛选到最好的男人。
大多数男人，如果他们完全诚实的话，如果可能，宁愿拥有与多个女性的性接触权。女人要质量，男人要数量。但问题在于，大多数男人重视社会认可胜过他们自己的生物学本能。
因此，我的结论是，99.99%的男人放弃了他们默认的发展选择权和与多个女性性接触的约会策略。
嗯，至少表面上是这样。已婚男人在遇到与辣妹发生关系的性机会时出轨是很常见的。
最终，大多数男人无法背叛自己的生物学本能。当他们出轨时，他们就成了伪君子，他们曾经许下的婚礼誓言只是空话。他们品格的完整性受到质疑。
正如我们之前讨论的，当女性放弃她们默认的慕强策略并到处风流时，男人不喜欢。
同样地，当男人放弃他们默认的发展选择权和与多个女性性接触的约会策略时，在深层的潜意识层面，女人其实也不喜欢。否则你以为玩家为什么能成为玩家？
然而在表面上，女人会遵循社会 conditioning，说她们想要忠诚的男人，不喜欢玩家。这简直大错特错。
不过有一个警告。如果一个男人把自己塑造成一个忠诚的男人，并且正在寻找一夫一妻制的关系，那么他必须贯彻这个框架。如果他已经与一个女人处于一夫一妻制的关系中，并试图退回到发展选择权的状态，那将会适得其反。
作为一个男人，你要么从一开始就承认自己是个玩家并完全接受它，要么你自愿选择放弃你默认的约会策略，保持一夫一妻制并且永不回头。女人重视一致性。一时兴起就切换身份是不一致的，会让女人感到不安全。
但让我问你，在一个玩家和一个忠于一个女人的男人之间，谁实际上更强大？从女性生物学的角度来看，玩家更强大。为什么？因为玩家是情感超脱的。最强的男人是最不需要女人的男人。
女人会说她们希望男人敞开心扉、变得脆弱并对她忠诚。丑陋的真相是，如果你做了所有这些事，你永远无法从她那里获得最高程度的吸引力。
如果你作为一个男人想要一段一夫一妻制的关系，那就接受你永远不会从她那里得到10/10的吸引力水平。事情就是这样，因为你作为男人放弃了你最初的默认交配策略。
也许你有道德上的理由，这完全没问题，只是要意识到你将牺牲一些吸引力水平来换取对道德的尊重。
对我来说，我选择服从默认的男性生物本能和约会策略。我选择发展与女性的选择权。我选择不对她们中的任何一个投入太多情感。
我相信这是一个男人能够长期保持与他约会的所有女性最高吸引力水平的唯一方法。
对于那些与一个女人处于长期关系或婚姻中的男人，我承认你们这样做的选择与我发展女性选择权的决定同样有效。但吸引力的规则对你们仍然适用，即一个女人必须知道她身边的这个男人是有选择权的。如果你忠诚但没有持续展示内在力量、高价值、以及如果你的现任女友离开你，其他女人会抢着要你的状态，她迟早会离开你。
我也希望通过我的文章，你们最终能学会在关系中重获权力，并 reclaim 你们的男子气概。我坚信，如果做得正确，关系将从中受益。
自然是残酷的。它重视生存胜过一切。甚至在伦理和道德之上。再多的社会 conditioning 或洗脑都无法改变这一点。除非有人编辑我们的DNA。
我只希望人们能对自己更诚实。相反，我们有越来越多破裂的关系和家庭，因为人们假装成他们不是的样子。不是每个人都适合一夫一妻制。这就是事实。
有些人会争辩说，我们需要超越我们的生物欲望，努力实现爱情的理想。
我试过了，但没有用。过去当我遵循社会 conditioning，做一个好男孩或好男人时，女人随着时间的推移对我失去了吸引力。
如果忠诚、善良和关怀是女人所回报的，那我本应是最忠诚、最关怀、最一夫一妻的男朋友。但现实和女性吸引力的运作方式并非如此。
关注女人奖励什么样的行为。忽略她们的话语，观察她们的行动。
大多数人害怕真相。或者他们甚至可能说我关于女性本性的看法完全错误。有些人仍然相信迪士尼式的理想化爱情。如果他们有这样的经历，那为他们高兴，但他们必须意识到他们是例外，而非普遍规则。
对于其他生活在现实中或不幸没有获得迪士尼爱情故事的人来说，真相可以成为个人解放的指南。真相，虽然最初充满痛苦，最终将使你从痛苦中解脱出来。我只请求人们倾听并保持开放的心态。它很可能会改变你的命运。