Recently I was on a date with one of the girls I'm seeing. Let's call her Anna (not her real name). While we were eating, she suddenly brought up that the previous night, she was on a date with a different guy.

Now, normally it's rude for anyone to bring up this kind of topic while on a date. But in Anna's case, I didn't find it offensive at all. Because she knows I'm seeing other women too. 

How does she know? Because I openly talk about my dating life on my social media stories. She even told me she saw the stories I posted. I told her it's completely fine for her to see them. 

I've been seeing Anna for a few months now. So it was a little shocking for me when she told me she was just on a date with another guy the previous night.

Upon further reflection, I think I get it. She probably noticed I wasn't asking to be exclusive with her and realized she should explore her other options too.

To be clear, I was a little surprised, but I was not jealous about it. I just neutrally acknowledged the things she told me about the other guy. 

Apparently it was a guy 10 years older than her, so she thought he would be mature.

It turns out he was a very weak and feminine guy. During their dinner date, he was pouring his heart out to her about his personal life problems and how stressed out he is.

Anna told me she felt like she was his mom trying to comfort him. She felt like she was the man and he was the woman in the interaction.

She told me that she was not interested to see him ever again even though that dude was well off financially.

In my mind I just thought wow, yet another guy who lacks dating experience and does not understand what women are looking for. 

By telling me all this, Anna was subtly admitting to me that even though I was seeing other girls, she would still rather date me than that guy who is much richer than me. 

Why? Because when she's with me she actually feels like a woman. Why? Because I actually behave like how man should behave.

Stone heart. Not all this soft vulnerable feminine bullshit that Hollywood and women in general like to tell men they should be. 

Now, it does not mean you feel nothing and that you don't care for the woman you are with. 

It's just that you remain emotionally unshakeable even in spite of such emotions if they present themselves to you. 

Women are very sensitive to how you behave around them. If you act weak and soft, she will lose attraction for you. 

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Emotional Non-Attachment

I would go so far as to say that if you want to maintain her attraction for the long term, you can never be emotionally attached to her.

You need to be able to care and even love her (if you are at that stage with her) without any attachment.

Which means that at any time, she can walk out the door and leave you and you would be completely okay with it. 

I don't care if it's 2 months in or 10 years and 3 kids in. If she leaves, you are not emotionally attached to her and you can let her go.

Why? Emotional non attachment is a sign of strength.

Again, it does not mean you do not care or even love her. If she's in your life and deserves your care and love, sure it would be fine to demonstrate some of it.

But if she were to just leave all of a sudden, you would be okay too. 

This is why when I'm on a date with a girl, I always treat it like I may never see her again once the date ends.

It could very well be my last time seeing her, so I just learned to enjoy the moments during the date with her and not think too much about my future with her.

The biggest mistake men make is getting emotionally attached to a woman. Especially early on. This road of emotional attachment will lead to your downfall.

If you get attached, when she pulls away your mind will go crazy. You start double triple quadruple texting trying to get her to respond.

Sometimes a woman pulls away just to see how you would react. In a way, you could say it's a test. 

If she pulls away and you go crazy, now she knows for sure you are emotionally attached and have been weakened by her. 

Now she knows it is possible for her to manipulate you emotionally.

Let me ask you a very real question. If she knows for a fact that she can emotionally manipulate you, will she be able to feel like you can protect her and keep her safe?

Obviously not. Because if she can weaken you, what about the rest of the world?

That's why her attraction drops when you get emotionally attached to her.

You can like her. I dare say you can even love her. But you cannot be IN love with her. And you cannot be attached to her. 

In some ways I feel like learning to be good with women is quite the spiritual journey. I have learned to some degree how not to get too attached to any of the women I'm seeing. 

So whenever they pull away, I never get reactive. If they leave, then they leave. I move on to the next girl. I know that to many of you, this sounds completely impossible.

Some of you may even think I'm a cold robot with a heart of ice for being able to do this. 

I wouldn't say I'm a cold robot. I think that I do treat the girls that I date pretty well when I'm on a date with them. 

I always try to have a fun time and create a good vibe so they enjoy the date as much as I do.

I'm just not attached, that's all. I know it sounds like I'm so zen like one of those monks in the temples, but there is very good reason to have this quality when dating.

If a girl literally told me she slept with another guy, I'd just be like ok cool, that's your personal life, don't need to share it with me. And then I would just continue the date like nothing happened. I would be completely neutral.

Because we are not exclusive. She can sleep with whoever she wants. It's none of my business. I'm very pragmatic when it comes to these kinds of matters. There is little to no jealousy. If there was a little bit, I wouldn't even show it. 

If we were exclusive and she slept with another man, I'd just ask her to pack her bags and leave. No second chances and no drama. Not because of jealousy but because of betrayal. 

A girl I met once told me that she was seeing this guy and they've been chatting for a bunch of months and gone on a few dates. But the guy got angry at her when he discovered she was also seeing another man. 

She basically told him that because they were not exclusive, she didn't do anything wrong. And in truth, I agree with her. The man is wrong here.

You know what is the main issue? It's that the man got emotionally attached to her. If he weren't, then this wouldn't even have been an issue for him.

She even told me that if he asked to be exclusive a little earlier, there was a good chance she would have accepted. In the end things didn't work out for her and that guy.

So all this emotional attachment or emotional neediness or emotional weakness is one of the main reasons guys mess up their relationships. 

So to summarize, this is the next key ingredient on your journey to mastering female attraction: emotional non-neediness a.k.a Stone Heart.

But then you ask me, how does one achieve stone heart?

My main answer is just the fact that you need to meet and date more women.

The more experience you have with women, the more you realise that the majority of them behave in a similar manner.

Every once in a while though, you will meet a woman who you have more natural chemistry with. 

This is where it gets tricky. Can you remain emotionally unattached with such a woman? Or are you going to start getting attached and treating her like she's special?

That's when you are truly tested. 

Once you meet and date enough women and it just becomes normal for you, you naturally learn not to be attached. Because you realize you can always meet another one if things don't go well with the current one.

Plus as a man, time is on your side. As you get older you can get more attractive to women if you put in the effort and learn how to be.

So as you age, you will eventually date hotter and hotter women. So why get attached to any woman?

That's the secret to achieving stone heart. Though I guess it's not much of a secret. Deep down you probably know this but are just not willing to go out and meet women. 

No matter how many blog posts you read or videos on dating you watch, nothing beats real life experience. 

Experience like approaching and getting rejected. You need to go out and actually do it. Don't just study theory. It won't be enough.

Study the theories, go out and test them, analyse what went wrong and what you could have done differently, then come back to the theories again. Rinse and repeat till mastery.

Like most things in life, there ain't no special shortcut to mastering female attraction and dating. So what are you waiting for? Get your ass out of the house and go talk to women.

Anywhere. Events, gatherings, meetups, on the street, grocery store, markets. There are women everywhere if you know where to look. 

To reiterate, until you build up the courage to go out and actually do it, you will not make any progress in your dating life. I'm rooting for you. Godspeed and all the best till my next post.

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*石心：让自己变得如此有吸引力，让她永不离开*

最近我和我约会的一个女孩出去吃饭。姑且叫她安娜（不是真名）。我们吃饭时，她突然提起前一天晚上她和另一个男人出去约会了。

一般来说，在约会中提起这种事是很没礼貌的。但在安娜的案例里，我完全不觉得被冒犯。因为她知道我也在见其他女人。

她怎么知道的？因为我会在社交媒体上公开分享我的约会生活。她甚至告诉我她看过我发的那些动态。我跟她说她完全可以看。

我和安娜已经约会几个月了。所以当她告诉我她前一天晚上刚跟另一个男人约会时，我还是有点惊讶的。

但仔细一想，我明白了。她可能注意到我一直没要求确立一对一的专属关系，于是觉得自己也该去探索其他选项了。

说实话，我有点意外，但没有嫉妒。我只是平静地听她讲起那个男人的事情。

据说那男人比她大10岁，所以她以为他会更成熟。

结果发现那是个非常软弱、很“女性化”的男人。他们在约会晚餐期间，他把自己的各种生活问题、压力都跟她倾诉了个遍。

安娜跟我说，她觉得自己像他妈一样在安慰他。她感觉在互动中她像个男人，而他才像个女人。

她告诉我她对那个男人没兴趣再见面了，尽管他经济条件很不错。

我当时心想：又是一个缺乏约会经验、不了解女人到底想要什么的家伙。

通过跟我讲这些，安娜其实是在潜意识里承认：即使我在见其他女孩，她仍然更愿意跟我约会，而不是那个比我有钱得多的男人。

为什么？因为跟我在一起时，她真的感觉自己像个女人。为什么？因为我确实表现得像个男人该有的样子。

石心。不是那种软弱的、脆弱的、女性化的胡说八道——那种好莱坞和女人总喜欢告诉男人“你应该成为”的样子。

当然，这不代表你毫无感受、不在乎你身边的女人。

只是意味着，即使这些情绪出现，你仍然在情绪上岿然不动。

女人对你的行为举止非常敏感。如果你表现得软弱、温顺，她就会对你失去吸引力。

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情感不依附

我甚至敢说，如果你要长期维持她对你的吸引力，你就永远不能对她产生情感依附。

你需要能够关心她，甚至爱她（如果你们已经到那个阶段了），但没有任何依附。

这意味着，任何时候她都可以转身走人、离开你，而你完全可以接受。

我不在乎是交往了2个月，还是10年、有了3个孩子。如果她离开，你对她是没有情感依附的，你可以放手。

为什么？因为情感不依附是力量的表现。

再说一遍，这不代表你不关心她，甚至不爱她。如果她在你生活中，并且值得你的关心和爱，当然可以适当表现出一些。

但如果她突然要离开，你也无所谓。

这就是为什么我跟女孩约会时，总把它当作“这次见面后可能再也见不到她”来对待。

这很可能就是我最后一次见她了，所以我学会了享受约会中的每一刻，而不去过多考虑和她的未来。

男人犯的最大错误，就是对女人产生情感依附——尤其在早期。这条“情感依附”的路只会让你走向失败。

如果你有了依附，当她疏远时，你的脑子就会炸。你会开始发第二条、第三条、第四条信息，就为了让她回复。

有时女人故意疏远，只是为了看看你的反应。某种程度上，你可以说这是一种测试。

如果她疏远你，而你去发疯，现在她就确切知道你已经情感依附于她、被她削弱了。

现在她知道她可以情绪上操纵你。

我问你一个非常真实的问题：如果她知道自己可以情感操纵你，她会觉得你能保护她、给她安全感吗？

显然不会。因为如果她都能削弱你，那面对外界的威胁，你又有什么用？

这就是为什么当你对她产生情感依附后，她的吸引力会下降。

你可以喜欢她。我甚至敢说你可以爱她。但你不能“坠入爱河”。你也不能依附于她。

某种程度上，我觉得学会搞定女人更像是精神上的旅程。我在某种程度上学会了不对我约会中的任何一个女人过分依附。

所以无论她们何时疏远，我从不反应过度。如果她们要走，那就走吧。我转向下一个女孩。我知道对你们很多人来说，这听起来完全不可能。

你们有些人甚至可能觉得我是个冷冰冰的机器人、一颗冰做的心，才能做到这样。

但我不会说我是冷血机器人。我觉得我在约会时对女孩们都还是挺好的。

我总是努力享受时光、创造好的氛围，让她们像我一样享受约会。

我只是不依附，仅此而已。我知道这听起来像寺庙里的僧人那么超脱，但拥有这种品质在约会中是有充分理由的。

如果一个女孩真的告诉我她跟别的男人睡了，我也只会说，行吧，那是你的私生活，不用告诉我。然后我就当什么都没发生，继续约会。我会完全保持中立。

因为我们不是一对一关系。她爱跟谁睡都可以。那不关我的事。我在这种事情上非常务实。我几乎没什么嫉妒感，就算有一点点，也不会表现出来。

如果我们是一对一关系，而她跟别的男人睡过，我会直接叫她收拾东西走人。没有第二次机会，没有戏剧。不是因为嫉妒，而是因为背叛。

我曾经认识一个女孩，她告诉我她在跟一个男人交往，两人聊了好几个月，也出去约会过几次。但那男人发现她还在见另一个男人时，非常生气。

她告诉他，因为他们不是一对一关系，她没做错任何事。说实话，我同意她的说法。这里错的是那个男人。

你知道主要问题在哪吗？那男人已经对她产生了情感依附。如果不是，他根本不会有这个问题。

她甚至还告诉我，如果他早点提出“一对一”的请求，她很可能就答应了。结果最后她跟那男人没成。

所以说，这种情感依附、情感需求、情感软弱，是男人搞砸关系的主要原因之一。

总结一下，这就是你在掌握女性吸引力旅程中的下一个关键因素：情感上的无所求，也就是所谓的“石心”。

但你可能会问我，怎么才能达到“石心”？

我的主要答案很简单：你需要多见、多约会女人。

你跟女人接触的经验越多，你就会意识到她们大多数行为模式都相似。

不过，偶尔你也会遇到一个你天然化学反应更强的女人。

这时就变得棘手了——面对这样一个女人，你还能保持情感不依附吗？还是会开始依附她、把她当成特殊的存在？

那才是真正考验你的时候。

一旦你见多了、约会多了，这对你变得习以为常，你就会自然学会不依附。因为你会意识到：如果跟现在这个不成，你总可以再遇到下一个。

而且作为一个男人，时间站在你这边。随着你年龄增长，只要你付出努力、学会如何变得有吸引力，你就能对女人越来越有吸引力。

所以随着年龄增长，你最终会约到越来越漂亮的女人。那你何必要依附任何一个女人呢？

这就是达成“石心”的秘密。不过我觉得这也算不上什么秘密。你内心深处大概也知道，只是不愿意出门去见女人罢了。

无论你读了多少博客、看了多少约会视频，都替代不了现实世界的经验。

比如去搭讪、被拒绝的经验。你需要出去，真正去做。不要只学理论，远远不够。

学习理论，出去测试，分析哪些做错了、哪些可以做得更好，然后再回来看理论。如此反复，直到精通。

正如生活中的大多数事情一样，掌握女性吸引力和约会没有捷径。所以，你还在等什么？赶紧从家里滚出去，去跟女人说话。

任何地方都可以。活动、聚会、见面会、街头、超市、市场。女人到处都是，只要你知道去哪里看。

我再强调一次，除非你鼓起勇气出去真正行动，否则你在约会生活中不会有任何进步。我为你加油。愿你一路顺风，下次见。