The other day I attended a day time event somewhere in KL.
As usual, I was on the lookout for any beautiful women that I could talk to or approach.
I did talk to a few 6s and 7s here and there. Nothing too crazy.
Then I saw them. Two lighter skinned Indian ladies. They both had long wavy blond dyed waist length hair. Extremely slim and curvy, with long slender legs like models. They both wore short jeans and a tight hugging shirt. I think they were in their mid 20s.
These girls were a 9 or 9.5 out of 10 easily for me in terms of beauty. They were accompanied by a tall handsome Indian dude with long hair.
As soon as I saw them, my body tensed up. My heart started beating faster. I was basically nervous as fuck.
Even so, I gathered all my internal strength and I forced myself to walk towards them and introduce myself despite the discomfort.
Surprisingly, the Indian man, let's call him Vel (not his real name), was very warm to me. I guess it could partly be because I'm one of the very few Chinese people attending this Indian festival.
The two ladies also greeted me nicely. I don't know why but I subconsciously expected them to treat me in a very cold manner.
I think many hot women are often assumed to be stuck up and arrogant, when in reality it sometimes isn't the case.
Deep down I still felt like these women were kind of out of my league.
Side note, it turns out these 3 people were actually models. No wonder they were all so hot.
1 of the 2 Indian ladies actually reacted slightly better to me and was willing to engage with me a little more.
But this was my limit. My biology was screaming at me and I was super uncomfortable.
It's just constantly telling me there is no way I could get a girl on this level to ever date me.
In my mind I was also thinking maybe Vel was dating 1 of these girls. Subconsciously I think I was afraid of him too on a biological level. Why?
In cavemen times, smaller sized men probably got killed for sleeping with the women of bigger sized men or the Alpha of the tribe. So sometimes it could be the men you are afraid of, not the actual woman.
So the combination of the level of beauty I was facing plus the presence of a taller and better looking man made me feel a lot of internal tension, though I tried not to show it on my face.
Even though they seemed to welcome me, as soon as they wanted to move to another spot in the festival, I decided not to join them and went elsewhere.
So in the end, it really was me and my own biology sabotaging my own chances with truly hot women.
When I say these ladies are a 9 or 9.5, I mean it in such a way that I could even consider committing to either one of them.
This is coming from me, a guy who wants to have 5 girlfriends. So I don't say this lightly at all.
I have coined a new term for these women who are 9s and above: Heartstoppers.
So let's address the elephant in the room.
Why did I chicken out?
To be clear, I still did muster all my courage to approach a group of hot people so I still made progress in the development of my masculinity.
But at the same time, I'm not quite there yet. Ideally it shouldn't matter even if it's a 10/10 level beauty woman, I should still be able to approach without a single ounce of fear or nervousness in my system.
Sexual attraction is a biological thing. Our internal state is highly affected by how our biology reacts to certain things in the environment.
Here is the truth. As a man, when we meet a woman who our biology deems to be out of our league, we will start to feel weakened.
This is a psychological type of weakening. You start to feel nervous or fearful. Your voice might start to change to a higher pitch. You might sound more people pleasing than usual when talking to her.
You suddenly feel like you want to do nice things for her even though she doesn't necessarily deserve it. You feel like you have to prove yourself to her to be worthy of her time and attention.
When you act in this weakened way, the woman will start to feel that you are acting unnaturally and that your energy is off. That tells her biology that you are beneath her in status or hierarchy.
We also know from my previous posts that women are sexually attracted to men who are above them (king), not below them (servant). So this causes her to disqualify you as a potential mating option or at the very least put you in the servant category.
Just imagine, she has seen the same pattern in hundreds or thousands of guys that have approached her all throughout her lifetime. All have been weakened by her. So trust me, she knows when you are acting weak, especially if she is hot.
That's the level of affect that physical beauty can have on a man's biology. Which is why I always tell women to maximise their physical beauty.
Here's the gist or summary. When your internal state becomes heightened by a woman's physical beauty, the woman senses your heightened state and starts to lose attraction for you the more you speak to her.
Now the million dollar question. How does a man overcome this issue where his internal state gets heightened above baseline when talking to a beautiful woman?
When your internal state is at baseline like when you are talking to friends, you never have to think about what to say or feel nervous. The interaction is effortless and comfortable.
The goal is to achieve that state when talking to beautiful women. How?
There are 2 answers that I've found so far. The first answer is by being exposed to beautiful women. How does one learn to drive? By getting in the fucking car and practicing driving.
In the same way you get used to driving, you need to get used to being around and talking to beautiful women.
Now, I understand that walking up to a girl who is a 9 or 10 is super intimidating, especially if she has other friends with her (which is most of the time).
So what's the solution to that?
You want to get used to talking to women who are 6s and 7s first. If that's hard for you, start with girls who are 4s and 5s.
Just have a normal conversation with them without any sexual intent. You got to start simple. Treat them like how you would talk to a friend.
The next time you are out and you see a girl who has nice shoes, just say hey, I like your shoes. Something simple like that. We all have to start somewhere.
If she gives a good reaction and she is trying to continue the conversation with you, continue talking. If not, just go on with your day.
For me, I spent the past year talking to hundreds of 6s and 7s. Sometimes it's still a little nerve-wracking, but overall I got used to talking to them like a normal human being.
Once you get comfortable talking to 6s and 7s, then you start to try to date them. Once you get used to dating 6s and 7s, you slowly go up to dating 8s, until eventually you get to date 9s and 10s.
Think of it like this. You enter a pool at the shallow side. Once you get used to it, you go deeper and deeper into the pool, slowly but surely. It's a gradual process.
You are teaching your own biology that even the hot women are just normal everyday people and that there is nothing to fear. You will not be killed by the Alpha of the tribe and you just get used to the physical beauty.
Imagine buying a brand new dream car. The first few months sitting in it, you feel amazing because everything is brand new. But give it 6 months, you will acclimatise to it and feel back to normal. Same dream car, you just got used to it.
Can you go straight to dating 9s and 10s? Yeah sure. A very very small percentage of guys can do that. It means they naturally never feel intimidated or weakened by physical beauty. Few men are born this way.
If you are like me however, then you have to start from the shallow side of the pool and go deeper over time.
How long will it take to get to 9s and 10s? Honestly I don't know. Probably a few years if you work hard on it. Or it could be really quick if you are talented at regulating your internal emotional state.
Exposure alone is 1 piece of the puzzle. What's the 2nd element?
It's learning how to develop a strong frame and a strong sense of self through spiritual growth.
I know, it all sounds a little woo woo, but hear me out.
The basic idea is that you are able to feel like you are THE SHIT just for existing.
Not because you are rich, smart, handsome or even talented. For absolutely no reason at all, you completely accept that you are THE SHIT. Just by existing. Crazy, right?
What does this do? This creates such a strong frame within you that even other people and especially women feel it. Like you don't care. Like nothing external could ever affect you, including her beauty.
To be clear, even I haven't mastered this state of being. So take what I say with a pinch of salt.
This is why some fat guys end up with slim beautiful women. Money could be a factor, but if she is sexually attracted to him, he probably has such a strong frame from the fact that he simply believes without a shadow of a doubt that he is THE SHIT, for absolutely no reason at all.
There are guys like that. They are extremely rare. This is the one trait we should all learn from them.
By the way, if you're wondering what you should say to women, perhaps I'll make a proper post about that next time. For now, if you don't know what to say, just keep things friendly like how you would talk to a friend.
So the next time you are face to face with a beautiful woman, pay attention to how your internal state is. Is it going above baseline? Is your behaviour changing and are you acting weak and trying to prove yourself to her?
If yes, then it just tells me you have a lot of women to start talking to. So what are you waiting for? It's not like women are going to start talking to you. As a man, you have to go out and create the reality you want.
And for me, the ideal reality is one with an abundant dating life. I hope it is for you too. Because I know it can be absolutely magical if you are the man that women sexually desire. Don't you agree?
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In Chinese:
心跳骤停：为什么大多数男人无法与美女交谈
前几天，我去吉隆坡某地参加了一个白天的活动。
像往常一样，我一直在物色可以搭讪或接近的美女。
我跟一些6分、7分的女生聊了几句，不算什么大场面。
然后我看到了她们。两位浅肤色的印度女士。她们都有着及腰的浅金色波浪卷发。身材极其苗条、有曲线，双腿修长像模特。都穿着紧身短T恤和牛仔短裤。我想她们大概二十多岁。
以我的标准，这两个女孩的美貌轻松达到9分或9.5分。她们身边还有一个高大英俊、留着长发的印度男人。
一看到她们，我身体就紧绷起来。心跳开始加速。我简直紧张得要命。
尽管如此，我还是鼓起所有内在力量，强迫自己走向他们，在不适中做了自我介绍。
令人惊讶的是，那个印度男人（我们暂且叫他Vel，不是真名）对我非常热情。我想部分原因可能是，在这个印度节日活动上，我是为数不多的华人之一。
那两个女士也友好地跟我打了招呼。不知道为什么，我潜意识里以为她们会非常冷淡地对待我。
我想很多美女常被假定为高傲、自大，但现实中有时并非如此。
可我内心深处还是觉得，这些女人有点超出我的 league（水准）。
顺便说一句，后来发现这三个人其实是模特。难怪都那么好看。
其中一位印度女士对我的反应稍微好一些，也更愿意跟我多聊几句。
但这就是我的极限了。我的生物本能对我尖叫，我超级不舒服。
它一直在告诉我，我不可能让这种级别的女孩跟我约会。
我心里也在想，也许Vel正在跟其中一个女孩交往。潜意识里，我似乎也在生物层面上害怕他。为什么？
在穴居人时代，体格较小的男人如果跟体格更大的男人（或部落Alpha）的女人睡觉，可能会被杀掉。所以有时候，你害怕的可能不是女人本身，而是那个男人。
所以，面对如此美貌的女人，再加上一个更高、更帅的男人，我感受到了巨大的内在张力，尽管我努力不在脸上表现出来。
尽管他们似乎欢迎我，但当他们想移到节日的另一个地方时，我决定不跟去，而是去了别处。
所以到头来，是我自己的生物本能破坏了我与真正美女的机会。
我说这些女士是9分或9.5分，意思是她们的美丽程度甚至让我会考虑跟其中任何一个进入一对一的关系。
这可是出自一个想要5个女朋友的我之口。所以我绝不是轻率地说出这话的。
我创造了一个新词来形容9分及以上的女人：心跳骤停 (Heartstoppers)。
所以，让我们直面问题吧。
我为什么怂了？
澄清一下，我还是鼓起了所有勇气接近了一群俊男靓女，所以我在男子气概的发展上还是有进步的。
但与此同时，我还没完全到位。理想情况下，即使面对一个10分美女，我也应该能够毫无一丝恐惧或紧张地接近她。
性吸引力是一种生物本能。我们的内在状态深受生物本能对环境刺激反应的影响。
真相是：作为男人，当我们遇到一个我们的生物本能认为“超出我们 league”的女人时，我们会开始感到虚弱。
这是一种心理上的虚弱。你开始感到紧张或恐惧。你的声音可能会变尖。跟她说话时，你可能会比平时更讨好。
你会突然想为她做些好事，尽管她不一定值得。你觉得自己必须向她证明自己，才配得上她的时间和关注。
当你以这种虚弱的方式行事时，女人会感觉到你的行为不自然，你的能量不对。这会告诉她的生物本能：你在她之下（地位或等级上）。
我们从之前的文章也知道，女人在性上被比自己层次高（国王）的男人吸引，而不是层次低（仆人）的男人。所以这会导致她否定你作为潜在交配对象的资格，或者至少把你归入“仆人”类别。
想象一下，在她一生中，她曾在成百上千个接近她的男人身上看到同样的模式。所有人都被她的美貌削弱了。所以，相信我，她知道你什么时候表现得虚弱，尤其如果她本身很火辣。
这就是女人的外貌美能对男人的生物本能产生的冲击程度。这就是为什么我总是告诉女人要最大化利用她们的外貌美。
要点总结：当你的内在状态被女人的外貌美抬高时，女人会察觉到你的高亢状态，并随着你跟她说话越多而对你失去吸引力。
那么，价值百万的问题是：男人如何克服在与美女交谈时内在状态高于基线的问题？
当你和朋友聊天时，你的内在状态处于基线，你从不需要考虑该说什么，也不会紧张。互动是轻松、舒适的。
目标就是在与美女交谈时也达到那种状态。怎么做到？
我目前找到了两个答案。第一个答案是：暴露在美女面前。怎么学会开车？就是他妈上车练习驾驶。
同样，你需要习惯于身处美女身边并与她们交谈。
我明白，搭讪9分或10分的女孩非常吓人，尤其当她们身边有朋友时（大多数情况是这样）。
那解决方案是什么？
你要先习惯于跟6分、7分的女孩交谈。如果那对你都难，就从4分、5分开始。
先跟她们正常聊天，不带任何性意图。从简单的开始。像跟朋友一样对待她们。
下次你出门，看到一个女孩穿了一双不错的鞋，就过去说“嘿，我喜欢你的鞋子”。简单点。我们都得从某处开始。
如果她反应很好，并且试图继续跟你聊，那就接着聊。如果没有，就继续过你的日子。
对我来说，过去一年我跟几百个6分、7分的女生聊过天。有时还是会有点紧张，但总体来说我已经习惯了像正常人一样跟她们聊天。
一旦你习惯了跟6分、7分的女生聊天，就开始试着跟她们约会。一旦习惯了跟6分、7分的女生约会，就慢慢升级到8分，最终再到9分、10分。
把它想象成进入一个游泳池。先从浅水区开始。等习惯了，再慢慢、一步步走向深水区。这是一个渐进的过程。
你在教导自己的生物本能：那些美女也只是普通人，没什么好怕的。你不会被部落的Alpha杀掉，你只是会习惯那些外貌美。
想象买了一辆全新的梦想之车。前几个月坐在里面，你感觉超棒，因为一切都是崭新的。但6个月后，你就会适应，感觉回到正常。车还是那辆车，但你习惯了。
能直接跳到跟9分、10分的女生约会吗？当然可以，但能做到的男人比例极小极小。他们天生就不会被外貌美吓倒或削弱。很少男人生来如此。
如果你像我一样，那你就必须从浅水区开始，慢慢向深处走。
需要多长时间才能达到9分、10分？说实话我不知道。如果努力的话可能需要几年。或者如果你擅长调节内在情绪状态，可能很快。
暴露只是拼图的一块。第二块是什么？
是学习如何通过精神成长来建立强大的框架和强烈的自我感。
我知道，这听起来有点玄乎，但听我说完。
基本的想法是：你仅仅因为存在就觉得“老子他妈就是牛逼”。
不是因为你富有、聪明、帅或者有才华。完全没有任何理由，你就完全接受“老子就是牛逼”。仅仅因为活着。疯狂吧，嗯？
这有什么作用？这会在你内在创造出如此强大的框架，以至于其他人，尤其是女人，都能感觉到。好像你什么都不在乎。好像没有任何外在事物能影响你，包括她的美貌。
澄清一下，就连我自己也还没掌握这种状态。所以对我说的这些，你且听且慎重。
这就是为什么有些胖男人最终能跟苗条美女在一起。金钱可能是因素之一，但如果她对他有性吸引力，那很可能他有这样一个强大的框架——他毫无理由地坚信自己就是牛逼。
确实有这样的男人。他们极其罕见。我们应该从他们身上学习这一特质。
顺便说一句，如果你想知道该对女人说什么，也许我下次再写一篇文章。现在，如果你不知道该说什么，就像对朋友一样保持友善就行了。
所以，下次你面对一个美女时，注意你的内在状态。它是否高于基线？你的行为是否在改变？你是否表现得虚弱、试图向她证明自己？
如果是，那就说明你需要开始多跟女人说话了。那你还在等什么？女人又不会主动跟你说话。作为男人，你必须走出去，创造你想要的现实。
对我来说，理想的现实是拥有一个丰富的约会生活。我希望对你来说也是如此。因为我知道，如果你成为那个让女人有性渴望的男人，那种感觉绝对是神奇的。你同意吗？