Years ago during COVID lockdown I was in a relationship with my ex. We were stuck in my parents' home. Over time our relationship got worse and worse. Sexual attraction dwindled and there was a lot of boredom. 

Sure, spending too much time in close proximity together was part of the problem. But there must be something else I was doing wrong. It was only occasionally that things were really good between us.

Long story short, she became less and less happy around me and would give me a hard time about it. When things were peaceful, there was some small thing that would trigger her and off we go into a lengthy fight. Eventually things ended when I couldn't accept it anymore. 

Despite all that, thinking back, there were several lessons I could draw from that experience.

Approximately 80% of men have a masculine core and around 80% of women have a feminine core. Which means that most men are masculine by nature, and most women are naturally feminine. However, nowadays, most men don't know how to be masculine, and most women don't know how to be feminine.

Another 10% of people have balanced cores (generally means a lower requirement or emphasis on sex) and the last 10% have a reversed core (male with feminine core and female with masculine core). 

Theoretically, when a man is in his masculine, and a woman is in her feminine, that's when sexual attraction happens. Also known as sexual polarity. Like how negative and positive poles of magnets attract. 

My core is masculine for sure. It means that I would prefer to be with a feminine woman. For sexual attraction to be strong, one party must exude high masculinity and the other, high femininity. And it must be in accordance to their core. This causes sexual polarity which is the catalyst for sexual attraction. 

But in many relationships, most couples become neutral towards one another over time. Which is more like a roommates or friends vibe. And we wonder why so many marriages are sexless?

The problem for me is that over time in my past relationship, I became more feminine, and my ex became more masculine within the relationship. I would allow her to make majority of the decisions. I would do what she wanted. I would also stop taking care of myself (a.k.a stop gym, eat poorly, get fat, be unproductive) and invest more and more time into the relationship. In the end we became neutral towards each other. Like friends instead of lovers. There was no sexual polarity.

My mom and dad also had a similar dynamic. Over time my mom had to become the breadwinner for the family with my dad in a supporting role. Eventually my mom cut her hair short and became more tomboyish and masculine. She also made the majority of the decisions for the family. My dad also became more feminine over time as a result. I saw that the quality of their marriage was never good. How could it be? They have basically reversed their masculine and feminine roles, which was unnatural.

What is masculinity? The masculine is all about achieving divine freedom. It's about focusing on one's life purpose. Providing safety and protection to the people around through making good decisions and judgements. It's about honouring promises. The masculine also takes full responsibility for himself and his partner. It's about being hard, unshakeable, unwavering and strong.

What is femininity? It's all about feeling divine love. Focusing on relationships. It's about feeling one's emotions fully in the moment. It's about submission. It's about being soft yet radiant.

The masculine is active while the feminine is passive. The masculine gives while the feminine receives. The masculine is orderly while the feminine is chaotic. The masculine leads while the feminine follows.

What the masculine is, the feminine isn't, and vice versa. That's why they say opposites attract. It's true in the context of sexual polarity. 

To be honest, I don't think I have fully accepted and feel comfortable with my own masculinity. In some ways I feel some form of shame or guilt from it. There is this beastly and dark nature to the masculinity in it's raw form. Like a werewolf or a vampire, for instance. I fear losing control.

Society needs strong men who have the potential to be dangerous but choose to sheathe their blade. Being weak and harmless will make it difficult for him to protect anyone. Society certainly does not value harmless men.

Even in sexual acts, I always feel afraid to be too rough in the bedroom. I cannot fully give into that darker side. After all, I always saw myself as a logical and intellectual person. And a logical person would never let himself go like that.

As a result, by not fully embracing my masculinity, I end up not feeling fully empowered during sex. Like I am holding myself back. Like I am not giving myself fully to the moment. Maybe I am afraid that I am too weak to exercise self control incase things go too far.

My past experiences tell me that actually women are sturdier than I expected. Perhaps they are strong enough in their own way to receive a man's strength and masculinity. Perhaps one day I can be free flowing in the act, rather than a constantly disrupted stream.

Both the world and women test men constantly. The feminine seeks safety and assurance by testing the masculine. Is a man strong enough to assert himself and penetrate the world or is he just going to poke weakly or half heartedly at it? Just as a man penetrates the realities of the world, he too penetrates a woman. 

When making decisions, many men defer to their wives. Just the other day I had a male tenant tell me he wants to ask his wife first. I think many men go by the philosophy of 'happy wife, happy life'. A woman's feelings matter, but men go about it the wrong way completely, just as I once did. 

Women will want to give their opinions and feelings about many matters while in the relationship. A man should listen tentatively and take it all into consideration. Then he should make a decision based on a new perspective with the input received from his woman. 

Thereafter, if based on his judgement and this newfound perspective, he thinks he should make a different decision, then he should do so. If however he thinks he should still stick to his original decision after carefully considering his woman's input, then he should do so instead. 

To change his decision just to please his woman even when he knows it's not the correct decision would be the wrong thing to do. Doing that would result in a woman losing trust for her man. If he cannot trust his own masculine core and judgement, then how can she possibly feel safe and trust him? 

Furthermore, if he just goes along with his woman's decision just to please her, then he will blame her if things go wrong. As a man, he is responsible for both of them. He should make the decision based on his best judgement after taking her input into consideration and take full responsibility for it.

This is why the man is always at fault no matter what. The feminine expects the masculine to take full responsibility. That's how it always has been and always will be. 

A caveat is that what I just mentioned is in the context of sexual relationships. Naturally, in career matters, women are still responsible for whatever decision they make for themselves.

Last time, I met this woman who told me that during her relationship with her ex boyfriend, she listened to him about which property to purchase. Turns out years later, it was the wrong decision. The original property she wanted to buy went up in price drastically. Whereas the property she actually bought based on her ex boyfriend's decision stagnated in price. She did tell me that her ex was an extremely spoiled boy with no direction in life. She told me that from then on, she will never let a man make decision for her again. 

Basically she became more masculine to protect herself. It's sad to see. She lost trust because he did not take full responsibility, which is what a masculine man should do. Also, I suppose she didn't choose a very good quality man, which resulted in her submitting to his poor judgement. Would you believe me if I told you she is still single to this day? She has a good career though, if that's any salvation. The mistake is for her to assume that all men will make poor judgement calls just like her ex. The door to her heart is closed off by a wall of self imposed masculine protection.

My dad always defers to my mom for decisions. So my mom has to be the masculine one. When the man loses his masculinity, the woman will have to become more masculine to protect both of them. So the woman grows resentful over time. It's unfortunate. I can't blame my dad though, it's not like my grandfather taught him how to be a masculine man.

Here's the other thing. As a man you are expected to just know these things. Women will not teach it to you. Unfortunately, most men are becoming weak, soft and feminine in today's day and age. Maybe I am lucky to know that I know nothing at all and somehow come upon all this knowledge.

The situation is not great for women either. Nowadays, most women are mainly in their masculine energy due to being business or career oriented. The more successful they become, the less likely they will be to get married or be in a desirable relationship with a masculine man. After all, a woman needs to display femininity to attract masculinity. 

To be clear, I'm not saying that women shouldn't be career oriented. I'm just saying many of them don't know how to be in their feminine energy or are not used to it. In fact, many women bring their masculine energy from their career into their relationship. Leading their man and wearing the pants. If a woman's core is feminine, and she is always the one leading in the relationship, then she usually leads the relationship to a breakup, because she loses attraction for her man. 

Just like how men need to learn masculinity, women too need to learn femininity. This will restore sexual polarity.

When a man makes a woman feel safe, she will authentically share her feelings and bear her heart to him. Based on her feelings, a man should know how to lead her towards a specific outcome. 

I see this pattern often, even in my own past relationships. When a woman wants a specific outcome, she starts leading the man. My ex would say to me 'hey open this jar for me' or 'go take out the garbage'. She would command me to do things. This is masculine energy.

Me being ignorant about how masculinity and femininity works, would just go along with it. Now, however, I understand it differently. What I should have done was teach my ex how to communicate in a feminine manner. 

Instead of her saying 'open this jar for me', she should have said 'its so hard for me to open this jar'. If I were to hear that, I would voluntarily make the decision to help open the jar for her. She did not have to tell me what to do, I would have made the decision based on her feedback on how she feels about her situation. By letting me decide what to do, I am now in my masculine energy.

Instead of 'go take out the garbage', its better for her to say 'i feel stressed out that the house is so untidy'. I would then proceed her to ask her what specifically made her feel that way. Maybe she will then say 'i just don't feel good when the dishes are piling up in the sink and the garbage bin is almost full'. I would then be able to make a decision. Either I will do both or decide how to divide up the tasks between me and her or whatever. Either way, the decision must be given to me. 

Basically, the woman is just expressing how she feels without trying to get a specific outcome. The man, based on her feedback and feelings, decides what is the best action to take. If she is trying to get a specific outcome, then she is trying to manipulate the situation, and therefore she would still be in masculine energy. 

It's entirely possible that the man makes a decision that the woman completely disagrees with. If the man is confident in his judgement, then as mentioned earlier, he should still go ahead with his decision. 

Only 2 things can happen, either it was a good decision in spite of her disagreement and because of that she will trust his masculine core more. Or it was a horrible decision, and the man needs to take full responsibility and learn from it so that it will be better next round. All the while, the woman is just expressing her feelings and providing feedback without trying to get a specific outcome, so that the man has the opportunity to lead and decide the outcome. That's a healthy masculine feminine dynamic.

It might seem like such a small thing, but hundreds of mini decisions like these over a long period of time can totally alter the masculine and feminine dynamic. A man must pay attention to it, since he needs to lead the relationship.

Another example is maybe the woman is having a headache and not feeling good. The man is in the mood for sex and she is not. Based on how she feels, the man can decide whether to proceed with sex anyway to try to improve her headache or to not proceed. If he proceeds, and her headache worsens, then he takes takes full responsibility and will use this as feedback for the next time. Maybe next time he will try something else other than sex to try and solve the issue. He is leading. 

Another way of doing it is for the woman to ask for permission from her man. Can I go out with friends or can I have a coffee or can I do this or that. The funny thing is I see guys asking their wives for permission all the time. So the guy becomes feminine and emasculated over time, and the woman becomes the man in the relationship. Sad to see. A man should lead his woman instead of just going along to please her. 

By the way, everything I'm saying here is for men with a masculine core and women with a feminine core. It would be in reverse if it's a woman with a masculine core and a man with a feminine core.

It takes a huge amount of trust for a woman to submit to her man's leadership. And I want to clarify, submission is a choice. It's not something negative or a way to look down on a woman as less than a man. 

Feminine strength is different from masculine strength. Honestly, it takes a huge amount of emotional strength for a woman to completely trust her man's masculine core. Submission is not weak. In fact, it takes so much strength for a woman to submit fully. A weak woman would be too afraid to do so, because they fear how vulnerable that would make them. 

This is why women always test men. They have to. If they don't test his masculine strength, how will they know if it's safe to submit to him? It would be foolish to submit to a weak and insecure man, for he would be susceptible to poor judgement and possibly mistreat and abuse her due to lack of self control. A woman testing a man's inner strength and masculinity is just the natural way of things.

That's why men shouldn't be disappointed when tested by a woman. This is also why women want men who are taller, stronger, richer, more intelligent, more dominant, more competent, more everything than them. 

Otherwise how can she look up to him? If she can't look up to him, how can she respect him? And if she can't respect him, how can she possibly love him?

In my opinion, equality in a relationship is largely a myth. How can a man be equal to a woman if she wants someone who is better than her in every way? It logically makes zero sense. It's not about 50-50, instead one person leads and one person follows. 

Last year I was seeing someone casually. One thing about her was she always asked to borrow money from me. At first it was small amounts. And she paid me back with a lot of interest within a short period of time. However, over time it took longer and longer for her to pay me back. And she kept asking for more and more money. 

Over time I grew somewhat attached to her. And I guess I felt good helping her. So I kept lending her money until my bank account was literally near to zero. Stupid, right? Indeed, a great lesson learned. 

She always wanted me to commit to her but I refused. Over time however, she grew less and less attracted to me. Not mainly because I didn't want to commit, but because I always said yes to almost all her other requests.

Subconsciously she was testing me. Over time she realized how easy it was for me to forego my masculine core in order to please her. For example, the correct decision was for me to stop borrowing her money when I realized she wasn't paying me back on time. But she would play coy and say it's ok, borrow me this amount, I will pay you back tomorrow for sure. 

I stupidly believed her. Multiple times. I should have just walked away. But I had money invested so it's the whole sunken cost fallacy. Also because she gave me a good experience in bed, I let that cloud my judgement. This is why men cannot lose their rationality even if they have strong emotional attachments to a woman. She will lose respect for you. 

Which is what happened. One day she lost enough respect and attraction for me that she just stopped seeing me altogether. And she did not return the money she owed me.

Honestly, I wasn't in love with her. I guess at most I just liked her? My interest level in her usually fluctuated between 51-70% at most and never went to the 85-99% stage where I would consider it love. So honestly, I felt more sad about losing the money than what we had ending. Instead, part of me felt relieved it was over. The manipulation was over.

My depression eventually went away after 2 to 3 months of not seeing her. If there's a silver lining, it's that I got my mental health back. And you can't put a price on that. The money? After a while I was like, who cares, I can earn it back. Honestly, I think it's her loss. 

I think this experience also uncovered a large part of my insecurity, which is wanting to feel validated by helping and pleasing others. I've come to terms with it and am wiser for it. Temporarily you may gain favour with people, but they eventually lose respect for you, and that is too high of a price to pay.

The feminine is chaotic. The masculine is orderly. Women express what they feel in the moment. It holds true only in that moment. It could change later on when her mood shifts. To us men, that is seen as lying. For men, our word is our bond. When we men do not live up to our words, we are out of our masculine core, which again, will cause our woman to feel unsafe around us.  

After understanding this, I realize that it makes no logical sense for me to hold women to their past words or promises. Instead, better for me to affect how she feels in the moment. To penetrate her emotions. To shift her moods favourably to a specific outcome. Basically, I need to lead her emotions. 

Again, this is all in the context of a relationship. Outside of that, like in their career, women are still accountable for their own words and actions, which as discussed earlier is a masculine trait.

How do I penetrate her emotions? I have some ideas based on my recent studies on this subject, but haven't tested it out. Perhaps in my next relationship I will get a chance. Once I verify the methods, I will be sure to share it in the future. 

Since the feminine is all about how she feels in the moment, it also means that when she is angry at you, all your past good deeds are forgotten. It doesn't matter that you have been loyal for 10+ years. What matters is that she feels angry at you in that moment. Again, it is up to the man to shift her moods.

I think sometimes when a man accomplishes a big milestone in his life, it is entirely possible that the woman tests his inner strength as well. It could be that he just closed a million dollar deal, and after rushing home and sharing it with his wife, she instead scolds him for forgetting to buy some milk. In the man's mind, he just made millions, and she is berating him about something so insignificantly small.

Frustrated, he angrily says that if it's so important, he will go and get the milk now. And complains that she is being so naggy and unreasonable. Naturally, this only makes the situation worse and an argument eventually breaks out. 

Perhaps the truth is that it's not about the milk at all. Perhaps it was her way of her testing him on whether he really needed her validation on his latest accomplishment. Can he stay cool headed and light hearted despite her testing? Or will he get angry and be moved off his masculine core by her? 

A man who is truly self secure and confident wouldn't be so easily shaken by her. He would playfully tease her about the milk and shift her emotions playfully towards a positive direction. Eventually the milk is forgotten, and passing her test, the woman feels secure within his masculinity and can celebrate his latest accomplishment. 

Basically, whatever insecurities you have as a man, your woman will surely poke and test it again and again such that your insecurity will reveal itself. The more you try to hide it, the more it gets exposed. Only by passing her tests, can you make her truly feel safe and secure to trust you and your masculinity. And by you being masculine, that makes her more naturally feminine, soft, vulnerable, expressing her innermost feelings and even sharing her heart with you. 

Interestingly, when in a relationship, love must be ever present and free flowing for the woman. If love is not flowing or the relationship has issues, she cannot focus on her career and other matters. In fact, all other areas of her life are affected. The love in the relationship is a central theme in her life, if her core is feminine. 

On the other hand, a man with a masculine core puts his purpose above the relationship. In fact he would even sacrifice the relationship to serve his purpose if that's required. And you know what's the most interesting thing? If a man actually puts the relationship above his God given purpose, the woman will lose respect for him.

I think most women don't even realise this. A woman might verbally say she wants her man to put their relationship above his purpose, but deep down she will feel something is wrong if he really went ahead and did that.

In the olden days when men served in the army during the warring era, it was common for him to leave his woman and family to fight in the war. He might not even come back alive. What if he actually decided to stay home and not go to war and serve his purpose?

It's just like those boxing movies. The man goes to fight in the ring, but his woman tells him to stop fighting. To come home and be with her and be safe. Why risk your life? She claims. But yet the masculine man knows deep down that it's his calling to fight. He cannot betray his chosen path and purpose. So he fights. Why? Just as the feminine seeks divine love, the masculine seeks divine freedom through accomplishing one's purpose. To stay home and play safe is to betray one's own masculine core and to deny the world of your talents and gifts.

Biologically it makes logical sense. If men were rewarded for prioritizing the relationship and staying home, humanity would stop producing and ultimately perish. Men and women were designed this way for a reason. Survival. 

Also, I want to be clear that the man sacrificing the relationship is not the same as sacrificing the woman. In fact I think most men are willing to take a bullet for their woman if needed. Again, the masculine protects the feminine. 

Men are the disposable gender. Woman are inherently by default more valuable than men. If the world experiences a calamity and we are left with 100 men and 1 woman, we are basically extinct. If we had 1 man and 100 woman, we would still survive. So it is in humanity's interest that more women survive if there is a crisis. 

That's why men go to fight and die in wars, and women and children are saved first. If we try to enforce equality, then an equal number of women would need to be drafted to go fight in wars, which makes absolutely no logical sense if we are to prioritize humanity's survival. In this context, gender equality makes no logical sense. I'm not saying women shouldn't have rights, I'm saying men and women are not made equal.

One more difference. The feminine grows through praise, while the masculine grows through challenge. That's why men tend to challenge each other and women tend to praise one another. Men often like to challenge their women, but I feel like it would be more conducive to praise them sincerely. If she's going to the gym, praise her on how slender her body has become. Or praise her on how that dress compliments her figure and how her earrings complete her makeup. Get specific. With more and more praise, watch her bloom like the delicate flower she is. Watch her put in more and more effort in the correct direction.

If your core is masculine, it would be normal for you to want to seek multiple partners. Whether you actually act on it or not is another matter completely. I'm not here to make moral judgements, merely to point out the observation.

Perhaps you may wonder why I'm so interested in studying masculinity and femininity? Honestly, since young I have felt like a very weak and feminine man, both physically and mentally. My main gift is my mind. Quality of thought. I think it would be a waste if I don't nurture my mind. I understand however, that theory has to be tested in the real world whether it be with current, past or future experiences.

As a final thing to comment on this topic, I think I know why so many women love flowers so much. To them, it's a symbol of life. Appreciating and savouring the feeling of the moment fully. What makes life valuable is that one day it will be gone. Just like how the rose, beautiful as it is in the moment, eventually wilts and dies. There is a serene beauty in that. 

In fact, this dance between masculinity and femininity truly is beautiful. So complex yet so simple at the same time. Whoever the creator is, if he/she/it exists, their intelligence far exceeds any human comprehension. After all, only an omnipotent and omniscient being can create such a beautiful system, and also create the very human beings that are able to observe and understand such a system. What a miracle.

Translated in Chinese:

《两性极性》

疫情封城期间，我曾与前女友在我父母家同居。随着时间的推移，我们的关系每况愈下。性吸引力逐渐消退，生活充斥着无趣。

诚然，朝夕相处确实会放大矛盾。但我肯定还犯了其他错误。我们之间只有偶尔才会出现真正融洽的时刻。

简而言之，她在我身边越来越不快乐，并开始因此责难我。每当平静时刻，总会有小事触发她的情绪，继而演变成漫长争吵。最终当我无法继续忍受时，关系走到了尽头。

尽管如此，这段经历让我领悟了几个重要道理。

大约80%的男性本质偏阳刚，80%的女性本质偏阴柔。这意味着多数男性天生具有阳刚气质，女性则天生阴柔。然而当代社会，多数男性不懂如何展现阳刚，多数女性也不懂如何表达阴柔。

另有10%的人属于平衡型核心（通常表现为对性需求较低），最后10%则是核心倒置者（男偏阴柔/女偏阳刚）。

理论上，当男性处于阳刚状态，女性处于阴柔状态时，就会产生性吸引力——即两性极性。就像磁铁的正负两极相互吸引。

我的核心无疑是阳刚型。这意味着我更倾向与阴柔特质的女性结合。要维持强烈性吸引力，必须一方展现高度阳刚，另一方高度阴柔，且与其本质核心相符。这种极性正是性吸引力的催化剂。

但现实中，多数伴侣会逐渐陷入中性状态，关系更像是室友或朋友。这也解释了为何那么多婚姻陷入无性状态。

我的问题在于：在上一段关系中，我逐渐变得阴柔，而她则越来越阳刚。我放任她做大多数决定，一味顺从她的意愿。我停止自我提升（放弃健身、饮食紊乱、身材走样、效率低下），把越来越多时间投入关系。最终我们变成了中性状态，像朋友而非恋人——完全丧失了性吸引力。

我父母也呈现类似模式。母亲逐渐成为家庭经济支柱，父亲退居辅助角色。后来母亲剪短头发，言行越来越男性化，掌控大部分家庭决策。父亲则相应变得更阴柔。他们的婚姻质量始终不佳——当男女角色倒置时，关系怎么可能健康？

什么是阳刚气质？它关乎追求神圣自由，专注人生使命，通过明智决策为身边人提供安全保障，恪守承诺。阳刚者对自己和伴侣全然负责，具备坚定不移的刚毅特质。

什么是阴柔气质？它关乎感受神圣之爱，专注情感联结，全然体验当下情绪，懂得臣服，柔软中散发光芒。

阳刚主动，阴柔被动；阳刚给予，阴柔接收；阳刚有序，阴柔混沌；阳刚引领，阴柔跟随。两者互为镜像，正因如此才说"异性相吸"——这在两性极性理论中完全成立。

坦白说，我并未完全接纳自己的阳刚本质。某种程度上，我对其怀有羞耻与恐惧——原始阳刚中暗藏着野兽般的黑暗面，就像狼人或吸血鬼，我害怕失控。

社会需要强大的男性：他们具备危险性，却选择收敛锋芒。软弱无害的男人无法保护任何人，而社会从不珍视毫无威胁的男人。

即使在性爱中，我也总害怕过于粗暴，无法全然释放黑暗面。毕竟我自诩为理性智者，而理性者不该如此放纵。结果因未能全然拥抱阳刚，我在性爱中总感觉有所保留，仿佛无法全然投入。或许我担心自己意志薄弱，无法在失控时及时刹车。

但过往经历告诉我，女性其实比想象中坚韧。她们或许能以独特方式承接男性的力量。但愿有天我能如行云流水般自然，而非断断续续的溪流。

世界与女性时刻考验着男性。阴柔通过测试阳刚来寻求安全感：这个男人是否有足够力量穿透世界？抑或只会软弱试探？正如男性穿透现实世界，他也穿透女性身心。

决策时，许多男性习惯请示妻子。前几天就有男租客说要先问太太意见。"妻子开心，生活舒心"成了信条。虽然女性感受很重要，但男性处理方式完全错误——正如曾经的我。

关系中女性会表达各种意见情绪。男性应当倾听考量，然后基于新视角做出决策。若经过判断仍坚持原方案，就该果断执行。仅为取悦女性而违背本心的妥协，反而会令女性失去信任——如果男人自己都不相信阳刚核心，她如何获得安全感？

更糟的是，若盲目顺从女性决定，出事时男人必然归咎于她。作为主导者，男性应在考量对方意见后做出最佳判断，并全然承担责任。这就是为何无论如何男性永远"有错"——阴柔期待阳刚负全责，亘古不变。

（注：上述仅适用于核心性别明确的亲密关系。职场中女性仍需为自身决策负责）

曾有位女性告诉我，她听从前男友建议购置的房产多年未升值，而原本心仪的房产却暴涨。她前男友是个被宠坏、毫无主见的男孩。自此她发誓不再让男性替她决策——可悲的是，她被迫转向阳刚以自保。由于男方未尽责任（这本是阳刚者的天职），她失去了信任。值得一提的是，她至今单身，尽管事业有成。错误在于她把前男友的失败案例普世化，用自我构建的阳刚围墙封闭了心门。

我父亲总是让母亲做决定，母亲不得不变得阳刚。当男性放弃阳刚，女性就不得不武装自己来保护双方。久而久之，女性会积怨——虽然我不怪父亲，毕竟祖父从未教导他如何成为阳刚男性。

另一个残酷事实是：社会默认男性应该天生懂这些。女性不会教你。可悲的是，当代男性正变得越来越软弱阴柔。或许我算幸运的，至少意识到自己的无知并开始探索这些真理。

女性处境同样不容乐观。当今许多女性因事业导向长期处于阳刚状态。她们越成功，越难与阳刚男性建立理想关系——毕竟女性需要展现阴柔才能吸引阳刚。

澄清一点：并非反对女性发展事业，而是说多数人已不熟悉如何切换回阴柔状态。许多女性将职场阳刚带入关系，主导男性，成为"穿裤子的人"。若女性本质属阴柔却持续主导关系，通常会因失去吸引力而亲手终结关系。

正如男性需要学习阳刚，女性也需要学习阴柔。这才是恢复两性极性的关键。

当男性让女性感到安全时，她会自然敞开心扉。基于她的感受，男性应懂得如何引导走向特定结果。

我见过太多这种模式（包括自身经历）：当女性渴望某个结果时，就开始主导男性。前任常命令我"把罐子打开"或"去倒垃圾"——这都是阳刚能量。

由于当时不懂两性动力学，我只会顺从。现在才明白，正确做法是教会她用阴柔方式表达。比如把"给我开罐子"换成"这个罐子好难开"，听到后者我会主动帮忙。她无需指挥，我自会根据她的感受反馈做决定——通过让我主导，才能激活我的阳刚能量。

同理，"去倒垃圾"不如说"房间这么乱让我好焦虑"。我会询问具体原因，她可能回答"看到水槽堆满碗碟和快溢出的垃圾桶就不舒服"。这时我就能决定是自己处理还是分工——关键必须由我掌控决策权。

本质上，女性只需表达当下感受而非指定方案。男性根据反馈决定最佳行动。若她试图操控结果，就仍陷在阳刚能量中。

当然，男性可能做出女性完全反对的决定。若自信判断正确，就应坚持执行。只有两种结果：要么证明决定正确从而增强信任，要么决策失误后全责承担并改进。女性始终只需表达感受（不预设结果），让男性有机会引领——这才是健康的阴阳动态。

这些看似微小的互动，经年累月会彻底改变关系能量场。男性必须保持觉察，因为引领关系是其天职。

再比如当女性头痛却遇男性有性致时，男性可根据她的状态决定是否继续。若选择继续却加重不适，就需全责承担并调整下次策略——这才是引领者姿态。

另一种模式是女性向男性"申请许可"：能否聚会/喝咖啡等。可笑的是，现在常见男性请示妻子。这种阴柔化终将削弱男性气概，迫使女性扮演男性角色——可悲的倒置。

（重申：以上仅适用于本质阳刚的男性和本质阴柔的女性，若核心倒置则另当别论）

女性对男性领导的臣服需要极大信任。需澄清：臣服是选择，非贬义。阴柔的力量不同于阳刚——女性全然信任男性核心需要极强情感力量。臣服绝非软弱，反而是强大的表现。脆弱女性因恐惧而不敢臣服。

正因如此，女性会不断测试男性。她们必须确认：这个男人的内在力量是否值得托付？臣服于软弱失控的男人无异于灾难。女性测试男性是天性使然。

所以男性不该抵触测试。这也解释了为何女性向往更高、更强、更富、更聪慧、更主导型的男性——若无法仰望，何来尊重？没有尊重，爱将无从谈起。

我认为"平等关系"基本是神话。当女性渴望全方位优于自己的伴侣时，平等从何谈起？这根本不符合逻辑。健康关系不是五五平分，而是引领与跟随的共舞。

去年我曾有段露水情缘。女方不断向我借钱，初期小额短期高息偿还，后来拖延渐长，金额渐增。我渐渐产生依恋，助人快感让我持续借款直至账户几近归零——愚蠢至极，却是宝贵教训。

她总希望确定关系，但我拒绝。后来她吸引力消退——主因不是我拒绝承诺，而是我对其他要求几乎全盘接受。潜意识里她在测试，最终发现我为取悦她可以轻易放弃阳刚核心。比如当她拖延还款时，正确做法是停止借贷。但她会撒娇说"再借这次，明天一定还"。

我愚蠢地多次相信。本该及时止损，却因沉没成本谬误和床笫欢愉而丧失判断。这证明男性绝不能因情感依恋丧失理性——她会因此失去尊重。

结果如你所料：当她彻底失去尊重与吸引力后，突然断绝往来，欠款亦未偿还。

说实话，我并不爱她，最多算有好感。我的兴趣值始终在51-70%徘徊，从未达到85-99%的爱的阈值。所以结束关系后，我更多是为金钱损失懊恼，反而有种解脱感——操纵游戏终于落幕。

断绝来往两三个月后，我的抑郁逐渐消散。如果说有收获，那就是重获心理健康——这是无价之宝。至于金钱？后来我想通了：总能赚回来。说到底，损失更大的是她。

这段经历暴露了我深层的"通过取悦他人获得认同"的不安全感。如今我已与之和解并更睿智。暂时讨好或许能换得好感，但最终会失去尊重——这代价太沉重。

阴柔是混沌的，阳刚是有序的。女性表达当下感受，这些感受随时可能变化。男性视之为"说谎"，因为我们以誓言为契。若男性言而无信，就偏离了阳刚核心，进而让女性感到不安。

明白这点后，我意识到用女性过去的承诺约束她们毫无意义。更好的方式是影响其当下感受，穿透情绪，将心境导向理想结果——简言之，引领她的情感。

（再次强调：这仅适用于亲密关系。职场等场合女性仍需为言行负责，如前所述这属于阳刚特质）

如何穿透女性情绪？通过近期研究我有了一些构想，但尚未实践。或许下一段关系能给我验证机会。待方法确证后，我定会分享。

既然阴柔关乎当下感受，就意味着当她愤怒时，会遗忘你所有过往付出。十年忠诚抵不过此刻怒火。这时又需男性转换其情绪——这永远是引领者的责任。

当男性取得重大成就时，女性很可能会测试他的内在力量。比如他刚谈成百万生意，兴奋回家分享，妻子却因忘买牛奶而斥责。男人满脑子想着巨额收益，她却纠缠鸡毛蒜皮。

他恼怒表示立刻去买，抱怨她无理取闹——这只会让情况恶化。

真相或许与牛奶无关。她可能在测试：他是否需要靠她认可来确认成就价值？能否在考验中保持从容？还是会被激怒而偏离阳刚核心？

真正自信的男人不会被动摇。他会戏谑调侃牛奶事件，巧妙转化她的情绪。最终牛奶被遗忘，通过测试的女性会安心沉浸在他的阳刚能量中，共同庆祝成功。

本质上，女性会不断戳刺男性所有不安全感。越是掩饰，暴露越彻底。唯有通过考验，她才能真正信任你的阳刚本质。而当你稳居阳刚状态时，她会自然展现阴柔特质：柔软、脆弱、吐露心声。

有趣的是，对核心阴柔的女性而言，关系中爱的流动至关重要。若爱情受阻，她的事业生活都将受影响——亲密关系是其生命主旋律。

而核心阳刚的男性则将人生使命置于爱情之上。必要时甚至愿为使命牺牲关系。最吊诡的是：若男性真的将爱情凌驾于天命之上，女性反而会失去尊重。

多数女性未必意识到这点。她们或许口头要求"爱情至上"，但若男性真如此做，潜意识里她会感到不对劲。

古代战士若因眷恋家室拒绝出征，结果会怎样？就像拳击电影中，女性哭求爱人退出比赛保全性命。但真正的阳刚男性深知：战斗是他的天命。正如阴柔追求神圣之爱，阳刚需通过践行使命获得神圣自由。贪图安稳实则背叛阳刚本质，也辜负了天赋才能。

从生物学看，若男性因顾全关系而止步，人类将停止繁衍直至灭绝。两性特质的演化本就是为了物种生存。

需澄清：为使命牺牲关系不等同牺牲爱人。真正的阳刚者愿为保护女性付出生命——守护阴柔本就是阳刚天职。

男性本质上是可牺牲的性别。女性天生具有更高生存价值。假设灾难后只剩100男1女，人类终将灭绝；若是1男100女，种族仍可延续。因此危机中优先保护女性符合物种利益。

这就是为何战争让男性冲锋陷阵，而妇孺优先撤离。若强行"平等"要求同等数量女性参战，反而违背生存逻辑。在此语境下，性别平等毫无意义——我并非反对女性权益，而是强调两性本就不该相同。

另一关键差异：阴柔在赞美中成长，阳刚在挑战中淬炼。因此男性间常相互较量，女性间多彼此称赞。男性总想挑战伴侣，但我发现真诚赞美更有效。当她健身时，称赞其身材愈发窈窕；当她盛装时，具体指出衣裙首饰如何衬托妆容。持续精准的赞美会让她如花朵般绽放，更愿往正确方向努力。

若你的核心属阳刚，渴望多偶本是天性。是否付诸行动则另当别论——此处不做道德评判，仅陈述客观事实。

或许有人好奇我为何痴迷研究两性特质？坦白说，我自幼在身心层面都显孱弱阴柔。思维力是我的天赋，若不加以磨砺才是暴殄天物。但我也深知：所有理论都需通过现实检验——无论是当下、过往还是未来经历。

最后分享一个洞见：女性钟爱鲜花，因其象征着生命本身。全然地欣赏与感受当下——正是终将消逝的宿命让绽放更显珍贵。就像玫瑰，极致绚烂后必然凋零，这种刹那芳华反而成就永恒之美。

阴阳共舞实在精妙。如此复杂又如此简单。若有造物主，其智慧远超人类理解——唯有全知全能者才能设计这般完美体系，并创造出能观察理解它的人类。这本身就是奇迹。